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emptyrainYou know that I love you January 21 turning 29 It is scary to think that I would ever became this old, old and cynical. Yet, I'm relieved. Enough shit has been dealt to me maybe life will leave me alone for a while. The least I've learned how to handle all those curve balls. Yet, I'm confused. Maybe I'm skilled enough to bounce the balls back, but do I know how to challenge the challenger? Yet, I'm optimistic. If I've survived life this well making all the random choices, there is no reason to doubt that things won't work out on their own in the future.
Maybe 29 is the year that I take charge, that I say to the past enough is enough, that I march onto my dreams and demand nothing less in return. April 07 it's funnyHow I could be the suject of other's affection while you are mine. But I refuse, to be bullied by my own emotions, I demand an answer, an resolution, I'm afraid silence isn't good enough, I'm afraid this is not good enough. April 04 The painis so intense and real, it's almost comical. How would I expect anyone not to think that I'm being ill dramatic. Even I want to laugh at myself. Rejection is part of life, it's all about freewill. January 02 New year, new beginningWhat are you wearing? Who are you sleeping with? What book are you reading? What music are you listening to? Which reality TV show are you following? Those questions seem to be the definition of a time, a moment. The collective answers to those same questions from time to time compile up as the definition of you or your life, even though you don't know where it leads to. As I starting the resolution for a new year, I can't help but counting my answers to those questions, counting my memories, lost or found. It's only sad to realize how quickly you lose it, people or memory of them. December 16 过去都是好时光 That's because past is certain, we know what happened and how it ended, hence nothing to worry about, just enjoying the sweet memories.
Back to cleveland for a wedding of a couple of my good friends. It's a wonderful time to see and talk to all the old friends or acquaintance. For the reason that I've moved away, that I've survived a hard year, I can be particular confident or even cocky with those people, because past is certain, you can't have any chance to screw up more. They've bought the sweet nice intelligent version of my image.
November 18 mental exhaustionMentally and physically exhausted. it seems to be too much efforts to talk, to sense or even to chew. Sleep is the only relaxing thing to do, only that now it's filled with unsettled dreams. I'm just really tired, need a vacation, need to go home, need a safe place where I can stop breathing, stop worrying, stop thinking or dreaming. |
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