I feel stressed, and so are my friends.  Stress builts up the concrete buildings of the modern world we live in, stress builds up the suffocating cart train we ride in, stress bulid up the greasy fast food that we stuff our stomach with.  Pressured to be rich, be successful, be recognized. Stress confronts us in every single breath we take, swearing to sqeeze every single drop of our energy, our spirit, to burn us up like woods in the stove that powers the giant metropolitan. What is left is the feeling that we are not good enough, that we are not strong enough, flames consume us so quickly that we didn't even have time to think, to feel the pain. Pressured to be a good person, a good friend, a good lover, a good parent, pressured to not make errors.... Sometimes you just want to go back to be the clueless brat, not responsible for anything. I feel like a spring sqeezed by the pressure, every 10 pounds of pressure, I move 10 cm, and age 1 year. :)

 

For some reason, get into this panicky, restless mode, which is not fun. Struggling in a pool like a drowning person is how I felt. All the big talk, all the composure, all the ease just left me like a breeze, then I became so jumpy, constantly need activities to keep my mind busy, people's companionship, reassurance, then the comfort I waited for never arrived. What is it that I'm looking for? Attension, distraction, fantasy, mirage things coming out of my imagination. I don't know. Is not fun to be fugitive of your life, you don't even know what you are running towards, or away from. , need to snap out of it and get a hold of myself.

Heart is tender, thinking of my friends, sharing their thoughts, wondering how they are doing. If I care, if I do care, would it make any of them better? Feel so useless sometimes, feel so powerless, all I can do is simply to take care of myself, and then to tell them I do care, so pointless. Pray my father, please bless your children.